About Me

Name: Raven
Home: Ohio, United States
About Me: Married, 2 kids, 3 step-kids, 3 cats and a mini-doxie
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Thursday, April 26, 2007
Playing Hooky
We decided to play hooky today. My aunt passed away this week and my uncle decided on cremation and a memorial service next month. Since we will be able to go to the memorial service without missing school or work, I decided to play hooky today and let the girls stay home too.
We slept in and will probably watch movies all day. We went out late last night to get ice cream and stayed up to watch a TV program we usually record and watch later in the week.
Hubby is also playing hooky and left work this morning rather later this afternoon.
It's going to be a very nice relaxing and healing day.
posted by Raven @ 10:26 AM   7 comments
Monday, April 23, 2007
My Toxic Family
I wish I had time for therapy…I know…I should make time for it if I think I really need it. The thing is, I’m not all that sure I do so I don’t push the issue. Instead I blog and try to make sense out of things in my life. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes I just get a good laugh out of the silliness in life. Right now, I’m not sure what to do, if anything…but I’m certainly not laughing.
I mentioned back in December that my aunt had been diagnosed with a form of leukemia. A few weeks ago she had a bone marrow transplant. I won’t bore you with the blow by blow but needless to say there have been several complications and as I am writing this I am waiting for a phone call saying she has passed away.
This is not the part that bothers me…life and death happen and I believe that we do go on after death. I am upset, I will miss my aunt, she is a wonderful person and I am grieving for my uncle and cousins.
The part that gets me is my toxic family. I have mentioned in here that my parents did not go to my youngest cousin’s high school graduation for some reason. There has been basically no contact between my mother and uncle in just over two years. When my aunt was diagnosed with this disease I made sure my mother knew about it. I thought she would want to put the past behind her and comfort her brother and family. Boy was I wrong. She told me she really didn’t want to know, that there had been scares before that turned out to be just over imaginative doctors. Then she proceeded to tell me the entire reasoning behind why she is not in contact with her brother and his family. Again, I won’t bore you with the tale. I told her that was fine, she was entitled to her opinion just as I was entitled to mine.
Fast forward to this past week. My cousin calls me and tells me that my aunt is not doing well. I call my uncle and offer to come down that weekend to see him and my aunt and offer whatever comfort I could. I talked to my aunt (she is sedated because of the ventilator so she couldn’t respond) and talked to my uncle. Late that night the hospital calls and tells my uncle that my aunt’s liver is failing and they need to come in the next day and discuss where to draw the line in the sand. I offer to drive so no one has to think about traffic in such a state.
My uncle and I have already talked and it was looking like my aunt was going to pass sometime in the next couple of days. While my uncle and cousins are upstairs talking to the doctors I waited downstairs and decided it was time to tell people on my side of the family.
Now here comes the meat of the story and where I try to figure out what the hell I’m doing or thinking. Knowing my mother as I do I first called home and told hubby to tell the kids not to answer the phone if it’s my mother. He was the only one to answer it then. He agrees and I hang up and call my sister. Now sister is no longer young…but in my opinion she is not really grown up yet. She has no children, never really faced any hardship. How much she has thought about this cold war from all angles I have no clue. I just know she has also had no contact with aunt and uncle in a couple of years.
I call and let her know that aunt is going to passing away sometime in the next couple of days. She is stunned. Because of the lack of communication, she really didn’t know how badly off aunt was. I gave her the information I had and then told her I had to call mom.
This is where I don’t understand my own actions and reactions. I know my mother…I keep hoping for better, but after 36 years you think I would be ready for this kind of shit.
I call mom and start my little speech, which is very quick and to the point that aunt was going to be passing soon. I don’t even get everything out of my mouth (I got enough out so she knows what I was getting at) she says she doesn’t want to hear it and hung up on me. Why this stunned me so badly I don’t know, but it did. I called hubby crying because of this cold callus treatment. Not only to me, but also to my uncle and cousins.
I knew that was coming…why did I react so badly about it? My husband says it’s because I am generally optimistic and will try and see the best in everyone right up to the point where they prove me wrong…even sometimes after that. Mom tried to call back but called the house not realizing I was down in Columbus. So instead she told Hubby about the reasons behind the estrangement. Of course none of it is her fault. Hubby and I both agree that even if things happened exactly how she says she is still way out of line carrying it this far.
Now I don’t know what to do. I am so mad I really don’t know what I think or how to handle it even within my own little brain. Personally I would love to just cut her out completely. Hubby pointed out this would be difficult since she lives less than a mile away. He also pointed out this would hurt the kids and make life more difficult for them. I pointed out to him I’m not sure how much I want my kids exposed to someone with that low a moral fiber. Plus, mom is upset with me and she has a tendency to talk bad about me in front of them. I also know that me cutting her out is not much different than what she has done to my aunt and uncle.
For now all I’ve decided is that there will be no more off holiday socializing. No more poker nights or backyard fires. I’m done with that. I’m not deciding anything else until I am able to wrap my brain around my rage and hurt for my uncle and cousins. Until I come to terms with that, if I come to terms with that, I am not rational enough to try and deal with all the repercussions.
posted by Raven @ 10:03 AM   10 comments
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
How do I Love Thee
::::Warning:::: This is a sappy post. If you don't like mushy things, if you like to kick puppies and take candy from babies...or if you have diabetes, this is not the post for you. You have been warned.

I realized tonight, as I was reading my book called The Honeymoon is Over, that I have not written a post about hubby lately. He is still doing the Albany thing, driving in every Monday morning (if you call 1am morning) and the coming home on Thursday nights.

He works hard and tries to take good care of his family. I say try because when he tries to take care of me, I get a little cranky at times. He is sweet and loving. He helps buffer me from my mother without a single complaint.

He understands my need for a night out and trusts me. He spoils me rotten and tries to surprise me with gifts he knows I'll love. He is wonderful with the kids and makes sure they all feel loved and needed.

He worries about me when I don't feel good, or if I try putting off an appointment for something. He cooks for us when he is home because he knows I hate doing it, he also grocery shops for the same reason.
He puts up with PMS, ADD, occasional OCD and just plain bitchiness from time to time. He will wait for me to realize what I have said or done and to apologize. He accepts the apology with grace and love and never throws the stupid crap I do back up at me.

He's a genuinely good man. How I ended up with him, I have no clue. I'm hoping he is my payback for dealing with my asshole ex-husband, and then all those years living back in home after the divorce.

What I'm really hoping is that I'm not his penance for something!!

posted by Raven @ 10:59 PM   8 comments
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
You know You're getting OLD when...
You ask Dippy Daughter to email you a relative's address. You tell her that the address is in the green address book.
She email's you that the address is not in the book. Hmmm, I know it's in there. Write back tell her to look again, maybe it's on the second page.
She tells you again no address for that relative.
Call Dippy Daughter on the phone and tell her to get the address book. Ask here for the first entry under the M's...second entry...low and behold that's the relative you are looking for.
Dippy Daughter states..."I know, but there is no email address written there."
When I think address, I think house address. Obviously the younger generation thinks of email addresses first.
posted by Raven @ 3:15 PM   4 comments
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
iPod Meme
This is cool. I stole this off of Flannery's blog.

How it works...

* Put your iTunes/Winamp/WMP/Whatever on shuffle.
* Use the song title as the answer to the question.

1. How does the world see me? Candle in the Wind by Elton John
2. Will I have a happy life? Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn
3. What do my friends really think of me? Amazing by Lonestar
4. Do people secretly lust after me? From a Distance by Bette Middler
5. How can I make myself happy? Take my Breath Away by Berlin (wait a minute, I don't think I like that idea)
6. What should I do with my life? Almost Paradise by Mike Reno (Loverboy) and Ann Wilson (Heart)
7. Will I ever have children? Nothin but a good time by Poison
8. What is some good advice for me? Holding out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
9. How will I be remembered? I'll be there for You by Bon Jovi
10. What is my signature dance song? Papa Don't Preach by Madonna
11. What do I think my current theme song is? Pressure by Billy Joel
12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Kokomo by Beach Boys
13. What song will play at my funeral? My Heart Will go on by Celine Dion
14. What type of women/men do I like? Gypsies Tramps and Thieves by Cher
15. What is my day going to be like? Glory of Love by Peter Cetera
16. Will I ever have love again? Rock Me Amedaus byFalco
17. What type of sex life do I have? Just Call me Angel by Juice Newton (yeah...right)
18. What song would be the title of my own porno movie? Hotel California by The Eagles

Did you notice a heavy 80's Theme here? They were asking me at work if it was 80's day.
Come on...give it a try!
posted by Raven @ 2:48 PM   3 comments
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Dribs and Drabs...
Lots of little things going on, nothing big at the moment...
The trade show was a blast. We worked from 6:30am to 5:30pm everyday in registration. Then we would go to dinner as a group...then the parties would start. I drank more in 4 days than I have in the last 3 years combined. That's a lot!
I met so many people that I talk to on the phone. It's so nice to be able to put faces with names now. Of course no one looks like how you picture them.
We are getting ready to go to the inlaws for Easter. (Yippee, we get to go to Easter Mass!) We are also going to celebrate my and a few other people's birthday's up there. That should be a lot of fun!
Mandy is now talking about becoming a vegetarian. I laughed at her. This is the kid we can't get to eat vegetables...the main ingredient in VEGEtarian. I told her she better learn how to cook because I am not making special dinners just for her.
We went out this weekend to the Natural History Museum and saw a dinosaur named Sue. A big old huge T-Rex fossil. It was very awe inspiring. I hadn't been to that museum in at least 25 years. The funny part was when we were watching a pendulum, this older (read older than dirt) volunteer came up and started explaining about the pendulum to us as if we were 5...not just the girls, me too. Seeing I am now headed towards 40, I found this rather annoying. We humored her though, at least until the pendulum knocked down the domino we were waiting on.
Tons of meetings at work right now...all of them a complete waste of time. I've tried talking, whining, begging and just about everything else I can think of to get out of these meetings. So far, no go. (sigh)
Hubby is coming home tonight, so I am very excited...in the last 15 days we have seen each other during one day. The day I came back from the trade show and slept most of the day.
So, I may or may not be back before Easter...if not...have a great and safe holiday!
posted by Raven @ 11:10 AM   1 comments