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| Thursday, July 27, 2006 |
| What if... |
Everyone has those what if moments...what if I turned right instead of left crap. Hubby and I were talking about a series of book tonight that are along those same lines. The first book is called Guns of the South by Harry Turtledove. Very interesting reading. Basically it's about a group of South African white supremacist that go back in time and give AK-47's to the Confederates. This allows the Confederacy to win the Civil War. There is a whole series on this. I've read part of the next book about WWI where the USA is on the side of Germany and the CSA (Confederate States of America) are on the Allies side.
But the conversation got me thinking about my own life and what if...
What if we never moved to this Podunk little town. I was much happier and more outgoing in the larger town we lived in. I had friends, people I knew, a school I may not have enjoyed but I knew and was comfortable in. There was a diversity I enjoyed and was not even aware of the differences. What if we had not moved to this white bread, mow you lawn on Saturday community?
What if I had not been so intimidated by the guy I really liked in high school. He was really smart while I just coasted by in school. What if I had demanded that if he wanted to be with me then he had to express it in some other way that seeing me ever other month and wondering if I was still on my "one a day pills." He only seemed interested in me when I was dating someone else, what if I had demanded a reason why?
What if I had not gotten married at 18 and instead have gone to the Philippines. Would I have enjoyed my military career more? Would I have traved to more countries. Would my volunteering for the first Gulf war have been more quickly acted upon?
What if I had stayed in the military after my divorce? Would I have gotten to another damn base besides Offutt?
That's pretty much where my big what if's end...once I got out of the military I had a plan and I've pretty much stuck to it and there hasn't been room for deviations. The only surprise was my hubby. I dated quite a bit, but I wasn't looking for a marriage. The only real what if after our marriage is what if I had ignores all the crap Jennifer (my oldest step-daughter) did would we have a better relationship. The only problem there is there is no way I could ignore the heavy drug use, stealing, and general apathetic attitude.
So there are my what if's. Henry Turtledove made money writing about what if's with the Civil War, Prez Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe...doubt I would be able to make much. Looking back though is interesting, though frustrating as there are no real answers. The school I was in closed eventually, the boy married some one and lives in the central part of the country, the ex-husband is remarried to another woman named Amy, Dean is also married, and the step-daughter is living with her druggie boyfriend.
While my what if's are frustrating I know one thing for sure. I am happy where I'm at and in the end I may with things were different aspects I would not change the majority of my life for anything. |
posted by Raven @ 8:05 PM  |
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| 8 Comments: |
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Your only 35, don't be so gloomy.
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Hmmm, am I being gloomy? I'm sorry, I wasn't really meaning to be. It was just sort of an introspective moment. They really should install breath alyzers on computer so no one could blog when they've been drinking.
Just to reiterate I do not regret any part of my life so far (the whole 35 years of it). This is just sort of mental barf on the internet. Stupid things that run through my brain that I need to get out at times.
Without making the choices I have made I would not have the wonderful husband I have now, could possibly be dead in Iraq, and would not have the wonderful children I love so much.
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I don't even think about it, and it has been tempting. But realistically, the past is the past and every moment is a clean slate. Why worry about what your slate was like years ago?
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Very true Red. If we don't occasionally look back and remember and learn from our mistakes thoug aren't we, as thew old saying goes, doomed to repeat it.
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I think I'm starting to wear off on you... :)
I think it's good to look back on your life, not with gloomy longing, but as a kind of "where have I been?" mapping out of the past. It's always good to look back at potential mistakes or bad choices-- "why DID I stay in that horrible, dead end job??"-- that you don't want to redoo...
I think the last paragraph is the most important: not having major regrets.
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Hello Raven, Just was doing some surffing and found my name on your site. If I remember right I thought you were going to be a cop?
Dean S.
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Hello Raven,
From what I remember, I thought you were going to be a cop?
Dean S.
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Hahaha! My master plan worked! I thought maybe if I put your name out there you might turn up. The only place I could find you was on some plane class list is Wisconsin! I just wasn't 100% sure if I was spelling it right!
Email me if you would like at raven44012@yahoo.com
Yes, I did try out to be a cop...and was doing quite well at all of the tasks but then during the last task I jumped over a fence and landed wrong and tore a tendon. And that, as they say, was that. After it healed I was still able to do everything except run long distances (not that I could ever do that well in the firstplace, but it was even worse) and that was enough to disqualify me. So, I went back to school and now I have a degree in marketing and my MBA. Wrtie me, let me know what you've been up to!
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Your only 35, don't be so gloomy.